reflections on crushes past

“To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven.”

- Ecclesiastes 3

I know that Ecclesiastes 3 speaks about TIMING. The passage above has been used, re-used, and overused in everything from children’s books (the one they sell at Book Wagon is lovely, by the way) to editorials, sermons and songs. Rightly so, because timing is important and not a lot of us are patient. We want what we want when we want it, isn’t it so?

I was walking to work this morning when this thought struck me: every season in a person’s life presents him (or her) with various encounters that, whether through single instance or prolonged exposure, serve to teach, mold, or direct him into the person he is meant to become.

We’ve all had our fair share of friends, lovers, rivals, enemies, and acquaintances. Just the other week, I was feeling a bit sentimental about the men (or the more apropos, "boys") who’ve touched my life. Yes, yes. These are crushes past. Many of them are current friends.

In their unique way, each one has taught me that:

There are the “BBs” of your life that teach you that sometimes it’s best to take interest in other people, and to not be self-absorbed.

There are also the “N'est Pas” who show you that love is never forgotten, and that friendship can withstand the test of time. Of course, he also taught me to abhor that stupid song, More Than You’ll Ever Know. ;)

Then there are the “Jameses” who inspire you to try things you’ve never tried before, and prove that prom dates can be friends and that your friends can be your heroes.

There are the “Puffies” of your life who show you the meaning of romance, dare you to experience the “art” of life, and make you realize that you are stronger than you ever thought you were.

Then there are the “Regs” who teach you unconditional love, and show you the beauty of an apology.

Each of them in their own time. Whether they know it or not, they’ve all taught me valuable lessons in life. Some encounters hurt, and some blistered. Still, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Because, as Ecclesiastes puts it, there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, .. a time to embrace and a time to refrain, .. a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate.”

Or for those who prefer a more contemporary philosophy:

“The heart may freeze/ and it can burn/ The pain will ease/ if I can learn/ there is no future/ there is no past/ I live this moment as my last./ There’s only us/ There’s only this:/ Forget regret/ or life is your to miss/ No other road/ no other way No day but today.” (Rent)

I am grateful for every one of them, because through them I've gained a better appreciation of life (and love). More importantly, through them I’ve realized that no man can ever “complete” me or serve validate my existence. However, they CAN make your life more beautiful, just by being in it. Ü

weekend update

Something has to be said about this undeterred longing for taho – to the extent of irrational persistence that pervades ill-weather, strong winds, soaked denims and water-logged sandals.

I walk all the way to the office, thinking “Yes, today is a beautiful day.”

The morning is pleasant, despite all the dodging with fellow umbrella-users. There is something comforting about the rain. It isn’t the WET kind, the one where large drops can leave your skin soaking in less than a minute. No, the rain is cool and inviting.

Obviously, someone woke up today in good spirits because everything just seems so BEAUTIFUL. Again.

As for the details on my peculiarly wonderful weekend, we begin on Friday.

Friday night.

Driving home from choir practice, the car started acting up. It wasn't going berserk or anything.. It just started making a funny noise. Even with ZERO knowledge about cars, I knew well enough that I needed to have it checked. Resolution: drive it to the nearest gas station. Taking a left at a busy Makati intersection, IT DIED. And not in the "just-restart-your-car" kinda sense; it was more like "pray-you're-able-to-maneuver-the-car" type. Eep. I was like "God, please, help me park it on the side!" Prayer granted, God was good enough to make sure I didn't hit anyone (or anything for that matter), and kind enough that I had been stalled in a busy street (The car had, in fact, luckily stalled right in front of a Starbucks.).

What to do, what to do while waiting for the tow truck. Practice Sunday’s lineup in the car, play a little solitaire on Coochi (my trusty PDA), and, well, pray. Since we’re exploring that avenue anyway..

I have, for some time now, been praying about someone. I've noticed him before but while I'm drawn to him, the “attraction” is new. Still, he’s been appearing in my thoughts more frequently than I am comfortable with so I opened my heart to God and prayed:

"Okay, God. There's this guy who I might have a crush on. Now, I've been praying about him for some time now but I know that it's not my best but YOUR best. But please, God, give me a sign. If he's not the one for me, please let me know. I don't want to be distracted right now. If he's not the one, please tell me even if I don't want to hear it. I'll accept Your will. It may not be easy for me to hear but I'll accept it. Please give me a sign."

So I asked for a specific sign (which, of course, I'll decline writing here) and prayed for it to be answered within a definite time period.

Saturday.

Took the dead car to be repaired and do you know what the mechanic told my brother? He said "You should be thankful the car didn't explode." EEP. MAJOR EEP.

Jump to..

Sunday morning.

Woke up at 6:00am, which is HECK of a lot earlier than I normally wake up (even for work!), utterly THANKFUL that I’m still very much alive. Wake-up call to Dianne, who has a hard time getting up early as much as I do. Took a cab to church (car’s dead, remember?) and, for some reason, I find myself in a really good mood. Hmmm.. Must be an effect of the reminder of my mortality. :P

Worship was (again) wonderful. Even more so because it was Jose who was leading. He really amazes me when he leads. It's always so heartfelt, intimate, and intense all at once. There's a difference I can't fully explain. Yeah, he sings exceptionally well but so do all the other worship leaders. I am always at awe when he leads because he never seems to tire, and it never comes across as routine - simply because it isn't. And he writes such wonderful music. I'd like to pick at his brain one day to see how he can write such beautiful songs. Or what his musical influences are. Or how on earth does he create such moving melodies. Ack. What a gifted guy. (Of course, we're not going to tell him any of this, right?) Anyway, it was a blessing and an honor to be part of that.

You know what? God not only answered my prayer today, He not only gave me what I asked for but SO MUCH MORE.

God has promised me this: that He has put this desire in my heart for a purpose and all I need do is follow HIS way and He will grant that desire. Admittedly, I must fight every natural inclination to do otherwise. Still, I am reminded 'those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed' Ü

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David Sedaris is coming to Manila this week!! Woohoo!! Ü

raindrops keep falling..

18 July 2006
2:33pm


Today is a beautiful day. Crazy, but beautiful.

Woke up this morning praying: God, please let it be a beautiful day.

Work’s been crazy as usual, and I often find myself wondering how on earth I managed to work where I work for so long, but today not a single nagging phone call, missed appointment, or rejection from the latest Hollywood celebrity can make it any less beautiful.

Camille invited me to join her (and friends) at the park for lunch. The park not being too far away from my office, I packed my stuff, whipped out my (usually) trusty pink umbrella, and started walking.

Despite the dreary weather, I decided to walk. (Hear the pitter-patter and the spitter-spatter of the summer rain.. Lalala..)

Have I ever told you how much I love the rain? No, not the stormy, “wet”-type but the quiet, steady drizzle of rain. It is absolutely.. refreshing.

Walking along slowly (albeit whimsically) to the cacophony that is Makati traffic, I found myself gleefully splishing and splashing in the little puddles that had accumulated into random potholes.

I wore gold stillettos today, and while I normally HATE getting my toes wet and dirty, the griminess under my feet actually felt kind of therapeutic. Accustomed to being late (which we will not deal with at the moment) and in a rush, I seldom can experience walking about and just THINKING. Today was different. Not only could I think, but everything seemed to give me a heightened sense of appreciation for the “ordinary.” The raucous sound of traffic that often leaves me cringing (and wanting to migrate to a more peaceful city) was almost melodic. Every crack in the sidewalk practically looked like a work of art. Even my steps were light - it was almost like dancing.

Although I really wanted to join Camille's lunch (precisely why I left the office to begin with), a sudden “disquiet” made me turn around and head back to the office. And no sooner had I set my bag down on my chair did my cousin call and tell me to hurry home because we had an emergency.

Our condo had flooded.

What?!?

The flexible pipe (eh?) apparently had burst in the bathroom and because our bathroom rug was blocking the drainage, it had leaked out of the bathroom to flood HALF the living room and was out into the hallway.

I am grateful to the maintenance staff of our condominium. The place almost looks as if nothing happened. Haay. These are the times when I wish I had a man around the house. I swear, when the maintenance people were vacuuming the water out and mopping the floor, I just STARED.

How bizarre. Beautiful, but bizarre.


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Thought for the day: Kitty's right. Don't think of marriage as an ending. Ü

delirium-inspired random ranting

16 July 2006
8:18pm

__________
I almost cried today at service.

There are times when praise and worship becomes so overwhelming that you lose yourself in the process - total surrender.

I remember having a conversation with Bab last week about how, when you lift your hands up in worship, it's really just between you and God. It’s an act of humility.

I used to be so self-conscious during praise and worship (whether attending or serving, alone or with company). Then I realized that, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think about of you because in God’s eyes, you will ALWAYS be a PRINCESS.

Worship today was amazing, and it was really by God's grace. The singers had a separate practice from the musicians due to some miscommunication and we were on the brink of panicking during soundcheck but God really blessed us. :) I guess that's why I almost cried. What we lacked in practice, God graced with heart.

Sina Aubrey said Dianne and I should join their worship team. Hmm.. How does this work? Archie said kasi we’re part of Jose’s team.. We haven't sung with him in a while though. I'm a little confused. I guess it doesn't matter whose team you're in naman, diba? It's your heart that matters. :)

__________
Yesterday, while singing, I had this realization: although I signed up for music ministry to serve God, it was because of music ministry that my relationship with Him has deepened. I know we're up there to help set the mood for worship, but in reality.. seeing the church sing along and lift their hands in humble praise.. THEY're the inspiring ones! :)

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At service, I had the chance to live out a small “dream” because I got to sing (for the first time EVER!) - alto. Woohoo! I always thought altos were COOLER than sopranos. Everyone thinks it’s cool to be a soprano but the alto part is usually more challenging. And a lot of great stage actresses are altos! Plus, I love blending down not up. I sometimes feel like a chipmunk when singing the higher harmony. I was SO HAPPY to have that chance, although it was a bit scary. My ear’s still a bit rusty because I’ve been singing melody as of late. I'm just so happy everyone was patient with me. Dianne was SUCH a blessing, helping me with the notes and being so encouraging. :)

__________
Last week, I found myself praying a lot for Archie and Jose. It may sound silly because I’m not even remotely close to either of them but I really missed their presence. They both kept popping up in my prayers. And I also realized just how much of a blessing Archie is. I mean, I appreciate him to begin with but today I realized how EASY he makes it for everybody, and he makes it seem effortless. I'm glad they’re back safe and sound. :)

On another note..

Even though I'm supposed to be part of Jose's team.. He scares the BEEJEEBIES out of me. Not because he’s scary or anything because he seems super nice and funny but I'm SUPER SHY around people I don't know very well.

Last Saturday, I got to practice a little early and ran into Aubrey, Jose and P. Julius in the hallway. Aubrey was quick to greet me (she's SUPER nice) and I just got.. FLUSTERED. I never know how to greet pastors. So I mumble a 'hello' to Aubrey and smile, this being a default expression for anything. Don't you just LOVE smiling? More people should smile and make the world a happier place. :)

Back to the story.

So I say hi to Aubrey and throw a glance towards Jose. I REALLY wanted to smile and greet him and say “Hi! We’ve missed you! Welcome back.” but he just looked so serious I decided not to interrupt their conversation more than I had to. It seems I have a nasty habit of interrupting him, not meaning to of course. It just kinda happens. Oh, dear. :( Anyway, a couple of minutes later, he drops by the band room and I manage to spill out "Welcome back!" but I don't think he hears me. Eep. One day I WILL muster up the courage to strike a decent conversation with Jose. Maybe he’ll see that I'm not such a bubble-headed “interrupter” after all. :)

Hmm.. Now that I think about it, this feels a bit like the apprehension I used to have in talking to Archie. He’s nice too.. It’s really me (can you say issues?). At least now I'm more comfy talking to him. Baby steps.

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I suddenly realize how lucky theater people have it. :) It's SO EASY getting to know one another when you're in a production together.. It’s almost like fast-tracking your friendships. In fact, I've met some of my bestest friends because of theater. :) It could be that in acting you have to first make yourself vulnerable to your co-actors in order to make any performance authentic (just a theory!). You can't be afraid to look stupid, so you get that over with at the onset. It’s like pulling off a band-aid. Everything becomes a piece of cake after that. ;)

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Let you in on a little secret: I'm QUITE shy. Really. You can stop laughing now. It does seem unlikely but it’s true! :P Despite my perennially bubbly and hyperactive disposition, if you lock me in a roomful of strangers and I will be silent as a feather. It’s an insecurity I’m still trying to get over.

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Speaking of insecurities to get over.. Being perceived as DITZY is a MAJOR insecurity. A lot of people misinterpret my being bubbly and “babaw” as being a ditz. Maybe that's how Sharon Stone and Geena Davis feel. Not that I’m gorgeous like they are.. It’s just that they’re Hollywood staples and they’re really beautiful so people tend to think there’s little substance beneath the exterior. I AM THE BIGGEST GEEK EVER. Ask my friends.

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I'm slowly starting to feel comfortable with the people from church. :)

Starting to interact more with everyone, and feeling more at home. :) Opening up a little, and I'm loving choir more than ever. We just finished our first piece last Friday, and we learned Abeg is pregnant! Baby shower! :)



 

masking tape at the bottom of your shoe

14 July 2006
1:15am


There are times when I just feel like shutting myself off from the rest of the world - being in hermit-mode, as I call it. The past few days would be a good example of that. Why? Because having some 'alone time' can be quite good for the soul. It helps put things into perspective. :)

Although I've been keeping by myself these past few days, I made an effort to go out earlier tonight and attend the fundraiser for Benjo Marquez at Capone's. It was.. STRANGE, to say the least. Because tonight, two of my worlds came together. I had almost thought the crossover was impossible. But it happened.

You see, Benjo and I go to the same church.. His sister and I sing together sometimes as part of music ministry. His sister used to teach my ex-boyfriend's sister. My ex-boyfriend's sister sometimes attends service in the same church as I do. She also helped organize tonight's fundraiser. And my ex-boyfriend's band was one of the acts lined up for the evening.

Sigh.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to get away from my past it just really creeps up on me. My ex-boyfriend seems, as I explained to Chinie, like a stubborn piece of masking tape that gets stuck on your shoe. You walk and walk and walk and hope it ceases to stick (or at the very least cling onto something else) but no matter how much you keep scuffing up that piece of tape, it follows you everywhere. Hahaha. Not that it's such a bother. ;) We're good friends, my ex and I, but it's just so BIZARRE how we keep ending up in the same places. 

For a couple of hours, in the most unlikely of places, my past and present had collided. I couldn't help saying "This is so weird. This is surreal. This is so strange." over and over. I never imagined something like this to happen in a million years, save for when I get married. Past and present: Chinie, Lana, Darlene, Camille, Dianne, Randy, Rina, Mikey, Mitch, Justin, Junie, Girish, Quark, Lia, Chris, Diego, Raimund and Myrene.

The night was fun, if not a little surreal. I am so touched that sina Myrene still remember me.. They were so nice and gracious. On a side note: I FINALLY met my 'crushest' for the longest time. It was SO WEIRD. When I was still dating my ex, I always wanted to meet him - it just NEVER happened. If I didn't miss meeting him by a few minutes, he'd be there but I wouldn't get the chance. Funny how YEARS later, I would not only get to meet him.. I would almost babble like a fool doing so.

I very rarely get starstruck. No, I wasn't starstruck upon meeting him. It was really so funny, because just a couple of minutes before, I was telling Chris that I always had a crush on that guy but never got to meet him. Of course, since we were sharing the same table, when I introduced Lana I couldn't very well ignore him. So it went something like.. "Lana, this is Myrene, Raimund and.. Vinci." (Smiled at him because we were never formally introduced and yet I knew who he was.) "Eee.. See? I'm a big fan." (Hasty exit.)

Hahahaha.

It's funny how just half an hour before, Camille and I were outside catching up on 'babaw kwento,' about crushes and standards. :) Camille totally hit the right spot when she said.. It's great how, because we are happily single, we can meet past crushes and not be so affected. So true. Tonight, as I smiled while waving goodbye to 'crushest,' I didn't feel at all kilig. I was so nonchalant my reaction was unexpected.

This indifference towards crushes past (because ANOTHER big crush was there!) is fueled by two things:

I'm so in-love with God.
I've already met my 'standard.'

I tell you, neither crushest or cutie-pie crush measures much against my standard. And I'm so in-love with God I barely thought about them. That's how it is when you're in love, right? You don't see anyone else but the object of your affection. ;)

Speaking of my 'standard,' Camille asked who it was.. I told her it's a secret (as I've resolved to keep this one between me and God, so you know this is serious) but that he was still single and that I'd see him around and I admired him a lot. His singleness matters little to me, as I don't think he even realizes I'm alive (or maybe he does but it doesn't matter). Like I said, admiration doesn't always translate into a crush. I will be so happy if I manage to captivate the heart of a man who is like him. Because he's so.. SOLID. :)

How wonderful it is to fall in love with my Creator, the one who 'placed the stars in the sky and knows them by name,' the one who 'knew me even before I was born.' And how wonderful it is to know that He has amazing plans for me. Plans to give me hope and a future. Hope and a future, I know I already have. :) My preparation lies in the waiting.

 

At the risk of looking like a siopao, here's our "Superbabes" picture. :) 

Proof that anyone can look dorky in 3D glasses. :P I look like I'm about to go diving or something! 

today is a good day

Woke up early this morning (can you believe it?!), did NOT at all rush to work, and had my all-time favorite breakfast - taho. Not the sissy chilled version, this is the warm type you get from the manong. Mm-mmm. Yummy.

Ran into a former officemate this morning, Raymund, who I have not seen in over a year. It was an unexpected encounter that left me smiling. He was always one of my favorites.. Well, the three of them: Raymund, Jon, and Master. :) I even had the honor of singing at Raymund's wedding, which was disastrous as I CANNOT sing under pressure. Plus, the song was Ikaw (the duet) which is super hard to sing. Oh, well. We tried our best. We even made up for it by eating most of their wedding cake. ;)

Despite feeling a little light-headed, I feel GREAT. So great that I even feel pretty cute. Hahahaha.

Oh, Ana, Vangie and I watched Superman at the IMAX theater last night. It was WAAAAY cool. When they showed the trailer of Happy Feet (about the cute tap-dancing penguin), I was squealing. I just wanted to grab that adorable penguin, stuff it in my purse, and take it home!

Posting pictures of us wearing our 3D glasses in a while, which reinforces my opinion that EVERYBODY looks dorky in them. :P

Speaking of Superman, I just have to say that Brandon Routh was PERFECT for the role. He possessed such striking vulnerability and strength, it was absolutely breathtaking. I enjoyed how the film was loaded with imagery (like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders and the whole "savior" thingie) and references to the original Superman movies. And Kevin Spacey's homage to Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor? Brilliant. It was well cast, with the likes of Frank Langella, Parker Posey and the guy who played Jimmy Olsen, although I was a bit taken aback by Kumar (Cal or is it Kal Penn?) appearing as some sort of evil genius or henchman and not saying a word. And the kid?! I want to set him up with Dakota Fanning. :)

Yes, today is a good day. :)

Masculin, Féminin

I remember having to watch Jean-Luc Godard’s Masculin, Féminin for a film class during senior year at college. Not a bad movie, although I remember it more for its play on the male-female dynamic rather than anything else.

Of course, this entry has little to do with the film. And everything to do with my view on beautiful differences between men and women.

A little background. Here’s my current reading list –

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliott
Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris
Just re-read certain parts of John & Stasi Eldrege’s Captivating (I may have to read the whole thing again. The book is just so.. Enlightening)
The Geographer’s Notebook by Jon Fasman
Currently re-reading Neil Gaiman’s Brief Lives

Needless to say, I love to read. At yesterday’s service, I was geeky enough to enthusiastically raise my hand when the pastor asked who among us loved reading books. I should’ve looked around. That’s one of the pre-requisites on my ‘list.’ ;)

ANYWAY, as I said, this entry is my two cents’ worth on the whole male-female thing. Those who knew me from before can tell you that I pretty much used to be a feminist. You know – because I was so against the common perception that women are not as good as men. Of course I was wrong. To say women are not as good as men is wrong. Likewise, saying men aren’t as good as women is also wrong. Because WE ARE DIFFERENT. That is that. How can you even strive to compare the two when they are simply incomparable? That’s why we complement each other so well. :)

Having lived a great part of my life trying to debunk male chauvinism (which, if you ask me, is still wrong), I’ve done lots of scary things. Much of that still affects me today. I have become, to many, a scary b*tch. I acknowledge the fact that people are intimidated by me, although I’ve been trying hard to become more vulnerable and soft (which is not an easy task at all).

So why the shift from feminist to feminine? You see, I’ve recently awakened to the beautiful notion of reveling in one’s womanhood. As Elisabeth Elliott wrote in her book: "a jellyfish glorifies God by being a jellyfish." That really got to me. Why the heck am I trying to be something I’m not? Why can’t I just BE?

Because “times are changing,” as Destruction (of the Endless) in Neil Gaiman’s Brief Lives says. (Which is kinda why I’m reading it again.)

If you review this entire blog (please don’t), you’d probably get a good gauge on how I’ve changed as a person. Seriously. From an angst-ridden girlie-girl to someone who wants to become the woman she was made to be.

Which brings me to.. Reading Let Me Be A Woman. Ask Linny, and she’ll tell you my stand on reading the book. This is the first time that I’ll be reading it 100% willingly. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always wanted to read it, as an ‘intellectual’ exercise I guess, but to read it because I need the input, the encouragement in my journey into womanhood? (Yeah, yeah. 26 is a bit late in the game. So shoot me.) This is a breakthrough of sorts because I told Linny that I didn’t feel compelled to read it because it was mostly about marriage and that was something I felt didn’t really interest me. Hahaha. I think it was during outreach with Jay when I said something like.. “I’m so happy being gloriously single. I don’t want to get married. What if I end up one being 60 and still saying that?!” Well, no one need worry about that anymore because I feel like God’s trying to tell me something – that I’m being prepared for something bigger than myself. That I WILL get married. That, in time, THAT guy will be presented to me. I look forward to that everyday. :)

By faith, despite not even being remotely with anyone, I know I won’t be alone. I knew it three weeks ago, the moment I fell “in-love” with God. :) Not that I didn’t LOVE God, I do. Always have. But now I feel so “in-love” with God that I’m on this emotional and spiritual high that I haven’t felt in.. FOREVER. Something in me clicked (not snapped, you silly rabbit), and I knew that I was being prepared to be with someone. I believe that to love someone whole-heartedly, one has to love God first because, hello, God is love. I know it sounds cheesy to some but I really believe that. So who cares what the world thinks?!

Now, I don’t know when or where or with whom I’m being pointed towards but, by faith, it WILL happen. Still, I’ll admit it may seem silly at times (even to myself).. Like yesterday, for example, when Archie started to play “The Way You Look Tonight” on his guitar. All of a sudden I blurted out (and so completely out of character that it was quite embarrassing) “Hu-hu-hu!” which I later explained by saying “It’s one of my favorite songs. They’ll have to play that when I get married. Someday.”

Speaking of, here are other songs they’ll have to play during my wedding:

- Ben Folds’ The Luckiest (my bridal march), to be played by a CHAMBER orchestra and not a quartet. No vocals. :) The chamber can leave after that. But that HAS to be my march!
- Our Love Is Here To Stay
- That’s All
- I’m In The Mood For Love
AND, forget how overused and cheesy this song is, The Promise

Poor groom. ;) He certainly has his hands full.

Staring at the wall right in front of my desk, the verse I picked from Kitty’s wedding cake comes into focus. What an appropriate ending for this entry:

So don’t throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

I can’t wait.

the week that was..

Some updates from last week:

- heard my baby nephew speak his first words (Da-da)
- sprained my ankle
- tried dancing on said sprained ankle
- almost got hit on the head by some drunk person who threw a bottle (what gives?!)
- went for some midnight karaoke with dee, lana, chinie, and marge :)
- attended a MOST enlightening Sunday service
- created an "evil" blog and subsequently deleted said evil blog as a result of that most enlightening service


Like I told Ana, I was so high I was babbling. :) Hahaha. Bubbly and babbling. How's that for a combination? Honestly though, I haven't attended the Sunday 5pm service in a loooong time. And the worship.. Everytime we get out there to sing for God, I am always overwhelmed by how heartfelt it is. How everyone, for a considerable amount of time, just puts aside every fear and anxiety in humble worship before the Lord. Yesterday was different though.. It felt even stronger.

I've always considered being part of Jose's team an answered prayer. :) After all, those who know me best will probably tell you this much: I'm not a very strong singer. That’s true. I'll be the first to admit that. My voice is alright, but I can name people whose voices are a gazillion times better than mine. Still, music has always played a big part in my life - whether it's playing the piano or singing in a choir, auditioning for musicals or soothing my heartbreak – and I could never be without music.

When I first started attending service (in Galleria), the praise and worship just drew me in. Never in a million years did I think I would ever be up there. If it weren’t for Linny, who was sitting next to me during Volunteer Weekend, I never would have even signed up. And despite my WORST audition for anything EVER (and I’ve had a few bad ones!), somehow God has still allowed me to serve him through music. :)

Speaking of Jose, I just really have to say that when he leads, I am always amazed at how gifted he is in drawing people to praise and worship - whether it's super early in the morning or on a "gloomy" afternoon (cuddle weather, as I like to call it). Wow..

Yesterday, we were led by Aubrey and despite a very "tense" first service (Yelly would get that. Hahaha.), the afternoon was just so.. BEAUTIFUL. Because it was one of the most heartfelt I've ever experienced. And the message after made service even more meaningful to me. It was a real wake-up call.

As for taming the tongue, yesterday’s message was just perfect. To elaborate, I’ll leave you with a few words from a really adorable bunny: “If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say nuthin' at all.” :)